


Memoirs of the Damned: Kyo's Story

by cadkitten



Category: D (Band), Dir en grey, Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Character Death, Death, Dragons, M/M, Magic, Memoirs, Mind Control, Multi, POV First Person, Romance, Temporary Character Death, Violence, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-30
Updated: 2014-05-30
Packaged: 2018-01-27 02:34:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1711793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written from Kyo's point of view, a memoir into the soul of one whose alignment has fallen to the bitter depths. His pain, his sacrifice, and in the end his acceptance. Will you join him on the path of his life or will you be left behind?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cherrylng](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrylng/gifts).



> The life of a character of mine that thanks to cherryling, I've finally found reason to write.  
> Beta Readers: sakura_ame, eilonwe2  
> Song[s]: "Open Road" by Queensrÿche

Kyo POV

Sometimes I look back on it all and I just can't even believe how far I've come. The path has been long and twisted, filled with pain and sacrifice. And honestly, sometimes, I just wonder how I've survived it all. It's been close a great many times, some of it so close I could have tasted death but a hair's breadth away: that bitter taste on the back of your tongue made of acid, bile, and panic. At other times, it's just nothing but bliss and happiness, like a cool breeze across my face. Some moments have been so incredibly happy that I never wanted them to end.

I suppose I should just start at the beginning, recount the story as it has gone up to this point. I was not so much born as created. I came into being over a century and a half ago and I have seen so many things in that time. Some of it soul-crushing to the point that any mortal would feel the weight of despair so hard on them that they'd be tempted to do something rash. But that is simply a part of being who I am, a part of the life I was thrust into, and I take that weight with a sure foot and a heavy hand.

At the beginning of my life, I was created as an Astral Deva. I was full of pride, happy to be who I was and to take on the tasks given to me by my god, Pelor. The feeling inside me was like that of the sun, brilliant radiance and unyielding light. In the name of my god, I fought many a battle, saved thousands of innocent people, and walked the path of purity. For almost forty years I did as I was bid, walked as I was told to walk, spoke as I was told to speak.

And then one day, my entire life changed oh-so-abruptly. I found myself doubting the path I had been set upon. Confronted with situations I could not stand behind, and moments I failed to completely agree with, I felt as though I were losing my way. I removed myself off the Celestial plains and took leave of all my duties.

Call it finding my own way... a mid-life crisis despite the fact that I was nowhere near middle-aged. Whatever the reasoning, I found myself in the Inferno, living alongside a great many devils. It was there that I took up the arts that I so enjoy, finding my place in their community as a tattoo artist. I stayed mostly under the radar, enchanting myself so as to not startle the local population, built mostly of chaos and evil. And it was there that my alignment slowly shifted over from the pure good that I had once started as. Over the years, I fell into their chaos and my values altered into something more neutral. I found that I no longer wished to follow the words of Pelor or fight his mighty fight.

With that, I began the process of finding a new God. For someone like me, a Cleric of sorts, such a thing is a grand leap into the unknown. That change felt like nothing else ever had before it. At first there was a great emptiness, a void where there had always been light. The emotional toll it took on me sealed the deal of my alignment, knowing that one decision could rip the light from me so fully.

From that point, onward, I found myself praying to Obad-Hai. He was the God of nature and I tended to agree with the way he saw things, the way he went about life. And in that sense, I felt more at home, despite the heavy feeling of loss on my soul.

Years passed me by and I slowly began to do more and more things for my God, doing his bidding when he'd call on me for it and then coming back to my home on the off-times, settling right back into the community and remaining under the radar for the most part.

Almost a hundred years passed me by, my life shifting between these things and my power slowly growing with my loyalty. Obad-Hai found no issue with the fact that I'd once had another God, knowing why I had taken a different path and maybe understanding it at least in some manner or other. And to this day, I still believe he never once had reason to doubt me or my actions.

Around me, the world shifted into darkness, something I could feel gaining power over the years and found myself startlingly helpless to change alone. I watched as the evil around me grew, as I became more and more of an outcast in a place that I once called home. And finally, the day came that I had been anticipating for well over fifty years. My God called to me and he spoke of the great battles that were being waged, the fight among Gods and men. He told me of my duty; that I was to join the fight and give forth my every effort in doing so.

Without hesitation I went, my head held high. And for the first time in years I took on my true form; shifting from the petite Asian man covered in tattoos, that I so preferred, to the seven foot, five inch Astral Deva. My body turned to shimmering blue, my hair and nails stark white and my wings translucent red, spanning a good fifteen feet when I allowed them to fully extend. It was in that form that I took my leave, packing my things and bidding farewell to the place I once called home, knowing after this was all over, I'd never be welcome there again.

I met up with the army I was to lead in the realm of Hell. It was there that I met a few of my companions, people I would remain with for a serious length of time. Shep, the wizard, Tsune, the rogue, and another man who would fall in only a matter of weeks. Other key players were there, people I'd run into before on my errands, and ones I'd only heard talk of within my circles. Behind us stood thousands of men, ready to fight this battle with all they had, to give their lives in the name of a war they had only began to grasp.

The truth of the matter was it only took maybe a handful of minutes from start to finish, people dying in vast waves behind me. Never before had I been faced with such destruction, such death. I had always been able to help, been able to bring back at least the majority of those who had fallen in the past. But this time, there was nothing I could do. When it was all done, Hell destroyed and the minions dispatched, I turned to see what lay behind me and my heart broke in the worst of ways.

There were four of us left standing, the rest already dead. I did as I could; making my way around the room and taking up any letters or anything else that these brave men and women had left behind for loved ones. I blessed each and every one of them and as we left, I lit the fires that would lead them to their rightful places. Out of all the tasks I've had to do in my life, this was the one that nearly crushed me with its weight. No matter the destruction that came after this, no matter the errands I was tasked with... this was the one that took hold of my immortal soul and shoved me to the wall.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: "Open Road" by Queensrÿche

My following days found me busier than I'd been in all my years. It's amazing how quickly one can change, how fast your life can be turned upside down from what you've found to be routine and oh-so-commonplace. Somewhere between Hell and the placement of a holy troop behind my shield, I found myself working for another God, though under the flag of my own. He called himself Primus and upon the introduction, I found that he honestly believed he had created all existence. His arrogance astounded me, but for the sake of the coming war, I simply held my tongue.

He placed us upon a path that I cannot say I had ever expected; and even to this day, with all I have seen and done, I could not have anticipated where his walkway would lead. My troops behind me, my companions at my side, we set upon our road to Asgard. The battles that followed were of far graver proportions than the first. Twice my hands had to resurrect a fallen companion during the battles with Hel and Fenrir. Many of my angels fell under the hands of Fenrir, some of the most gruesome acts I have ever seen befalling them. I watched them be consumed and their very existence fuel the fires of the beast. 

It was there that I finalized my every intention, to fight the hardest I could until we found ourselves on the winning end. I'd find my path - blind as it may have been - through everything and come out the other side a stronger man. At the time, I had no idea what those words would mean for me, where those decisions would find me in only a few years' time. And if I had to do it over again, I honestly cannot say that I'd have switched my actions for any others. Perhaps this was the only course for my soul... the only reason I have ever existed. One can never tell when they are destined for greatness or for a fall, can they? Perhaps those with divination could seek their own path, see the next instance to befall them and reach for another. But in the end, fate guides us all, shoves us toward the end it has built for us, and we are but helpless creations to do its bidding.

The days passed after that battle, all of us nursing the wounds we had incurred before we moved on down the road we'd been handed. We came to find a giant called Ymir and through interaction with my God we were guided down yet another branch of the blessed tree of life. There were great pillars to the sky being erected by a strange man and he had to be stopped. We were given seven immovable columns to be placed where the pillars were to go, blocking the ability to put the pillars where they needed to go for whatever horrid deed this was to become.

From the tales of others we have always known that some things are by far worse than they could have ever sounded. It might make sense to wonder how a pillar could do terrible things to the world... unless one accepts that a giant pillar into the sky is perhaps a bad omen in and of itself. If we could have accepted the gravity of the situation perhaps we could have found our way long before it came to what it did.

The man with the pillars had already erected three of the seven by the time we tracked him down and he was placing the forth as we found him. Negotiation was out of the question, everything about the other cruel and unrestrained. He reeked of an evil I wasn't even sure I could understand and he was more powerful than anyone save a God that I had ever faced. As I watched my comrades fall, one right after the other, I found myself falling upon desperation. My own health was deteriorating, the ability for me to fight him no better than my companions had been. As the final of my party fell, I laid upon the last thing I had in my possession, a feeble hope to bring everything to fruition going through me as I used the magic of a ring I'd had in my possession for near three decades. I pushed everything I had into wishing the evil-doer dead and my companions well and whole once again.

The last thing I saw before I blacked out was the pillar crushing down upon the man, remaining in place, but eternally holding him to the ground, pinned to the one place he could never escape, his face a mask of agony and rage.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: "Fear" by Luca

The progression of months found us on another realm, one I had not visited since my days with Pelor. I had expected my arrival to be greeted with the worst of reactions: the traitor in their midst, but instead no one came at all. For hours we meandered the realm, finding vast amounts of nothing. To my very core, I knew something wasn't right. There had always been a huge amount of celestial beings and the fact that suddenly there were none to be found didn't bode well for us - or anywhere, really.

When we did find someone, it was not at all what we expected. The great lumbering steps of legions of Frost Giants passed us by, a single Storm Giant at the forefront of each band. It was nothing like anything that we'd even heard tale of - the variety of giants usually warring, not working as one cohesive unit. The thought chilled us to our very bones... though perhaps that was partly the unnatural cold that came through with them.

Hours of searching later, we came upon the house of what could only be one of the giants, built in what had once been my home capital. We dispatched the guards easy enough, the smaller giants easier to take on, and found our way into the house. Perhaps some part of me had hoped to find some of the other Deva's, perhaps I had wanted to find some solace in what I felt I had abandoned to this fate. Whatever the reason, we found nothing of the sort, only a few dozen slaves who were scared to follow our orders to leave. In the end, we had to forcibly remove them all, taking them back to Prime Material with us, but not before we found our way outside and watched as a giant white dragon conversed with a single storm giant in a manner that implied he was giving orders.

Once back upon the Prime Material, we dealt with the slaves, one of them - a small human, nearly as covered in tattoos as I was in my preferred form, coming to my side. The others were left in Tsune's care for the time being, and we made ourselves comfortable, awaiting our next orders from the Gods.

Sometimes I still wonder why it was that I was among those chosen for the tasks, why it was that the one who could never have found redemption was trusted with the good fight. And I think that even then I was lost upon the ocean of the chaos of my own thoughts. Drifting in the wind, so to say. 

The days turned to weeks and I found that the slave I'd rescued much preferred me in my alternate form. Whenever I became the five foot two man with the myriad of tattoos, he grew closer to me. The night before we were given the orders to move out, he came to my bed and for the first time in eons I found my solace in the warmth of another body. I can still remember the way he writhed beneath me, the look on his face as he finally lost it, and the scent of his cum on the air before I joined him in that momentary bliss. No one could have known that the next time I saw this man, he'd become my Judas. 

The morning came and we left the humans behind, their years in slavery affording them no combat instincts in the least. We were transported back to the place where we'd left the man crushed beneath the pillar and were tasked with checking the mountain for anything of use. At which point one of the most defining moments of my life came upon us. We found a long-closed portal built of stone, guardians guarding it that had long since become stone themselves. Using a few of mine and my companions spells, we spoke with the guardians, finding the passage to be safe enough, though we could not tell to where it went.

Upon crossing the threshold, we found ourselves in a place we'd never heard of; a place called R'yleh. We made our way to the nearest town, having to fight off a few of the locals who attempted to kill us upon sight, not understanding our ways or our garb. I provided the means to shift us all into something less intimidating and the ability to understand their language and for us to speak theirs. Sometimes the silliest of spells are the most useful.

Upon the third day we remained in this new town we found out that we had no way back home and that we were not only in a new realm, but that it was basically what could only be described as a pocket universe. I was, at least, quick to adapt to the new surroundings and accept them for what they were, though I worried about my newly found human - Kaoru - who had remained back home. Perhaps the fact that I could still care about another being in such a manner was telling... and maybe it was that that led me to the side of another later in my life.

Our days spent in R'yleh were anything but easy. Within the first week siege was laid upon the town and we took up our arms to protect the place, as they had done us no wrong. We lost our companion Grod in the second battle, only to gain a new companion of far mightier strength within the hour. He was defending the same wall as I was and seeing him enrage himself to protect the town behind the wall was far too amazing of a thing to pass up. It was with that in mind that I invited Archimedis Boomfist to join our clan, for better or for worse. He accepted without complaint and him and Tsune quickly became a very talented duo, the pair melding to their environments for a long time to come.

For months, we saved the town again and again from the outside forces, rallying those within and training them in the ways of combat, each of us offering our own unique spin on how they could defend themselves. Each time we were attacked, we only responded by growing stronger and stronger until one day, the citizens made their own decision to attack those who had been attacking them, to draw their swords first.

The battle waged for days and it was then that our lives got tipped upon our ears again. An almighty wizard, Alhazred, pulled us from the battle without warning. One moment we were fighting, the next we were stood before this man and placed upon his one-manned trial. He had created R'yleh for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was to escape the magic we had brought with us upon entering the portal. And it made him angry to have us teaching it, altering the ways he'd set forth for R'yleh. We were charged with the crimes of existing and altering an entire world and were banned from the realm, tossed back out into the cave we had come in through, our newest companion, Archimedis with us, banned from his own realm and utterly unused to ours.

I can still remember the pain in my head, the searing burn of powers coming to me all at once that I was never built to have to start with. My curse for being a magic user in a realm that should never have had such a thing. That alone would become both my burden and my fall.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: "Freak" by Silverchair

We didn't even get to fully settle into a nearby town for the night before we found ourselves being summoned by none other than the King of the Ninth layer of Hell. A messenger appeared at the door of the home we were staying in holding a sealed invitation. We were to play in the Hell games and there was no way to turn down such an invite. 

To me, it was honestly clear that he wanted us for our unique powers, those that had not been seen in the realms for years - the curse of R'yleh. I at least had the foresight to require some amount of help in these games, demanding that our presence would only be honored if we were given fitting weapons to help us in the games. We each specified what we wanted and we were guaranteed that our demands would be granted.

The following morning, we arrived where we were told, the towering presence of Asmodeus' mansion nearly intimidating. I changed into my larger form, seeing no point in being what I was when my strength was greater in the other body. Together, we made the trip into the most narcissistic home I have ever seen, to this very day. Famous paintings and sculptures, all altered to be him rather than the original beings that should have stood within them. Everyone referred to him as Master and I have only seen more completely whipped servants once since then.

True to his word, he granted us all the weapons we required and led us into a chamber with the Lords of the other layers all settled around to watch the games. He gave us some speech meant to scare us all half to death, about how no one had escaped the grasp of what lay below and all of that. I suppose it's obvious from the fact that I'm still around that I shouldn't have feared that, but at the time, I admittedly did. Death was not on my list of things to do at the time.

We were led down the winding staircase and told we'd be met on the other end... if we made it. Within those passages, we met many a horrible creation. Abomination and decay at every corner, each of us facing something we'd dreaded to ever be confronted with. Time and again, we triumphed over the depths to which we were thrown and crawled out the other side, covered in whatever slime, sludge, or blood it emitted in the throes of its death.

It took us days to find our way out the other side and into the light, only to be confronted by the final challenge. A labyrinth containing a multitude of other walking sins lay between us and salvation. Finally the powers that had come down upon me and Tsune became the only thing that saved us, our ability to control the minds of those lesser creatures providing us passage into the garden where Asmodeus awaited us.

There, three statues had been erected, one in the likeness of each of us; mighty and powerful, holding our weapons that we'd been gifted for the games. For our trouble, we received copious sums of money and a few more items to help us on our way. But still, it lingered that we were more than annoyed at having been forced into the games, used for the fun of the Lords of Hell.

Within the new moon, the Lord of the Sixth Realm- Levistus - captured us. He wished to overthrow Asmodeus and he was seeking our help after seeing how we'd performed in the games. Alongside us in another cell was a one-armed man that, at the time, we had no idea was Lord of the Eighth, the man who had been imprisoned by the others. We made the agreement in hopes to get out of prison and were promised great payment for the fall of Asmodeus.

In turn, we teamed up with the Lord of the Eighth, Mephistophles, and came crashing down on Asmodeus like a hammer upon a beetle. By the time we were done with him, he was not but a greasy spot on the floor. Leading the fight by then, Mephistophles turned us on Levistus, sighting him as the reason why he'd been wrongfully imprisoned, and we took him down as well, betraying the betrayer. The Lord of the Eighth became Lord of the First and we bid Hell an un-fond farewell.

The days plodded forward and we finally found our old friend, Shep once again. His God had revoked all of his powers for the failure to protect us from all that had happened in R'yleh (as he hadn't come through the portal with us) and had been cast with a budding cleric under his protection and supervision. The girl was, frankly, dumb as a rock and nothing but a burden upon us all once he began travelling with us once again. 

For months, we toured the realms, fighting off our attackers and lending a hand here and there, though it was, ultimately, nothing critical. Somewhere in the midst of our own personal hells, we had forgotten about the pillars and the need to stop the more overwhelming threat. Perhaps it is in moments like those that being self-absorbed is well worth the effort... the ability to conveniently side-step the major battles and await it from the sidelines with the rest of the beings of the world. 

When everything came crashing back down on us, it was in full force and as if Hell had opened right up and swallowed us whole. We went from being relatively okay, progressing our way back toward our initial homes, to being pulled back into Asmodeus' home, as if we were puppets on strings only to be toyed with. The largest chaos I had ever seen beset us.

Within the large dining hall, Shep's own God, St. Cuthbert, was pulled in and displayed to the wayward cleric. Asmodeus had been resurrected and his powers were greater than ever. Sometime during our travels he had taken up his rightful position again and he stood before us, the most powerful thing in the room. Given the presence of a God, one can see how this might be a tad bit more terrifying than anything else. One of the most horrible things I have ever seen transpired just after. Asmodeus separated Cuthbert's body and his powers, locking his powers away and tossing the shell of a man down on the floor in front of Shep.

I know well the feeling of loss that is incurred during such an event, though at the time I only knew the half of it. But it was what happened directly after, that turned me from the man I once was to something... different. Shep's own God stole from him, wrenching the subdued powers from within him and taking them all for himself before fleeing the scene entirely, leaving our companion utterly devoid of all powers and more empty than the God that had lain before him in those few moments. The pained screams still haunt my dreams at times and sometimes I can still see the revenge that was sought, the way Asmodeus paid for his sins in those last moments.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: "I Believe (Unborn Child's Mix)" by Nano

The next year is almost a blur in my mind. I recall very little of it despite doing a million things. Perhaps it is the fact that there was so much to do that causes these lapses in memories. But what I do remember from it was fairly huge and entirely relevant to my current state of being... or at least how I came to allow myself to become what I am now.

There were people that needed us, those that kept themselves very much bundled up in the entirety of our lives during this time. Still we had Shep, 'Tsune, and Mr. Boomfist and I in our little group. The girl just wouldn't leave us alone, following Shep around like a lost sheep without a fold. To this very day I cannot recall her name and frankly with the good she did us, I have no desire to pluck it from the depths of my memories, even for this memoir. The most useless of useless people. The homeless wanderers of my once-home held more worth in their pinkies than she had in her entire body... and caused a hell of a lot less trouble, too.

I know she did something that set off a fight within an Orcish encampment, bringing down the wrath of two force dragons, a black, and a red dragon. Now, anyone who has ever fought a single dragon would know for sure that trying to fight four in the midst of a bunch of lumbering Orcs is perhaps not the best of decisions. Not that there was much of a choice. Leave them all to die or fight for the better tomorrow, even if it meant our lives.

The destruction was as I'd never seen before; a true scorched earth type scenario. They ravaged the encampment within a matter of minutes, only the most bold of plans from us finding the path toward our salvation. The troll, Mr. Boomfist, and I probably caused the most destruction. Back then I used a crossbow in most of my ranged attacks and the mace that Asmodeus had given me for the hand-to-hand type stuff. I can't say I've ever been happier that I had prepped for years for just such an occasion. Between multiplying the troll and causing the most wanton destruction without heed, we cut our way through two of the four dragons, just the pair of us.

By the time we were done, the black dragon had fallen and the last force dragon was fleeing, a good amount of the warriors who had shown up from nowhere in pursuit of it. Standing there on the battlefield, the rest of my strength finally failing me, I remember whispering a single prayer in my dying moments, a plea to Obad-Hai for one last chance to keep fighting the fight of the Gods.

When I awoke, I found myself a changed man. I was no longer an Astral Deva. My God had taken it upon himself to give me the powers of a higher being: a Solar. My form became that of a nine foot tall opalescent being, hair white as snow. That form I tucked away as well, hid beneath the face of the tiny human man I'd so come to prefer. Don't get me wrong... I wasn't ungrateful, anything but. I simply held a preference in my appearance, and I always will. It is the way that I feel the most comfortable and the closest to being at home with myself.

The other bit that I recall from that year was a fight somewhere down the line to clean up a mistake we'd long since made. Our resident troll took on Mephistophles in what was supposed to be a fair fight. It quickly became obvious to those of us in the audience that the son of a bitch was cheating and though we'd expressly been told not to step in, I did what I felt I had to. I used my powers for the greater benefit, having seen what Hell had become under the reign of this man. With a slip here and a healing there, I waged my own war upon the current King of Hell until he fell beneath the brute force of Archimedes, leaving Levistus in true power, the successor to the throne if one would call it that.

Even that somehow backfired on all of us though, Levistus realizing how we'd cheated and how our loyalties depended upon whatever whim we were currently engaged in. He captured us and stored us away in the cells of his dungeon, horrendous creatures attached to our hearts, counteracting any spell I could have ever done. The fight did not lie within me in this instance, but within the sacrifices of another.

Somewhere in the hubbub of an imprisoned stranger encouraging us to pull ourselves out, Archimedes found a way to free us all. Being the troll he was, he cut off the smallest of pieces of himself over and over, multiplying until there were so many of him that it burst his cell completely open from within, nowhere else for the pressure to go. As copy after copy fell, one of them let the rest of us out. Somewhere in the chaos, Asmodeus resurrected himself from within Shep's body where he'd been harboring himself since we had thought we killed him.

The sacrifices of that night were many and the memory of my true friend, Archimedes Boomfist will remain with me through my days. Even now, I have a painting of him upon my mantle. His sacrifice was never overshadowed, even in light of the rest of my life thus far.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: "Hexes" by Bassnectar (Ft Chino Moreno of Deftones)

My hazy memory of a time that was, in fact, so long ago that it affords me the images of another very turbulent time in my life. A time that led directly to the depths of where I sit now.

It was best of times, it was the worst - oh... that was not my story. In fact, mine included pretty much only the worst of times for quite a while. The Demon Wars had begun and somewhere in our forgetting about the pillars, the portals to the Abyss began to open. Demons ranged the Prime Material like the scourge they were; bringing death and destruction with them to every corner of the world.

We were tasked with stopping them, my God adamant that they were destroying the forests, setting them ablaze and ripping disease through them day-by-day. Among the first of the people we picked up in our party was an abomination named Un'gulyoth. This may seem uncommon with who I am now... but the tensions were thick between he and I. He was an unnatural being, a true atrocity to all that my God stood for... and thus what I stood for. But he wanted to fight the same fight we were waging and beggars cannot be choosers. So we allowed him to join our party, he and I forging an uneasy truce, neither truly liking the other, but fighting alongside one another nevertheless.

With the first two days of battle, we had lost Shep into one of the portals, none of us willing to fall through ourselves in an attempt to get him back. He'd either survive or he wouldn't. We had our hands full with the demons on our end, attempting to stem the tide and close the portal; something that, in the end, Shep did from his side, sealing his own fate... or so we thought.

Almost a week later, Shep came back to our side, worse for the ware and definitely in need of my healing services. In the meantime, Un'gulyoth's God, Corilyn provided him with a vision during his prayers. She showed him a giant black mass that engulfed the whole of the Prime Material and showed him the path we needed to take to stop it. 

Our first visit was to an army of Orcs camped out on a beach and once again, we waged the holy war upon them, fighting our way through them until we were equally matched, the chieftain finally calling for a parley. All I can really remember there was that Shep lost his temper quicker than he ever had, embedding his axe in the table in a fit of rage and the white dragons appearing over our heads.

I made the only decision we had left at that point and we ran. It wasn't the first fight we'd ever fled from, but certainly the most meaningful task we'd ever had to abandon partly finished. 

Once we arrived in the temple of Lolth, Shep took a final step that had the most unanticipated consequences of everything we'd done to that point. He used my remaining wish stones and made himself into his own God. It was something he should have seen coming, I suppose... that Yung Shi would not be happy with him. The best way to piss off another God is to attempt to become one yourself. Regardless, Yung Shi sent notice to St. Cuthbert who then sent his newest avatar along with one of Zeus' to kill Shep.

There was really nothing that could be done. We'd have all been slaughtered and the world would have fallen to waste if we hadn't let him go. We knew our places and we stood back and allowed it. Somewhere inside me, I could feel myself changing... I know it now, to this day that it was the winds of change stirring within my soul. But back then I was ignorant of it all, unable to see it for what it was.

What happened over the course of the next few weeks was the beginning of the end. I met a very attractive redhead, Die, in the city of Pride. He was selling his services and I was certainly buying. But something about him was compelling to the point that I told him of our mission and begged his help in the matter. By the end of the night, I held more than just the services of the young man, but his allegiance as well. 

It was that night that we also lost track of one of our fold. Tsune disappeared without a single word nor any signs of a scuffle. Try as I might, even the powers I'd been bestowed with did not allow me to locate him. We simply accepted it as the inevitable breaking of a member of the party and moved forward, glad to have the replacement in the form of the quite powerful redhead.

We found out just after that that Un'gulyoth had been cursed sometime in the past and he had been on a quest all along to get the curse lifted. Upon the road to our next goal, he found his own and the most of what I recall was that he was fighting with a minotaur and doing quite the job of kicking its ass. The main part of what happened that night was that when we returned to the main room where Die had been guarding, things were in utter chaos. There were bodies everywhere, an undead God fetus on an altar, and Die covered in blood as he fought a hooded man.

Without hesitation, we all joined in on the fight to help Die, never ones to stand idly while a member of our pack was in trouble. One of my clearest memories is of Die stabbing the eyes out of a woman as she rose herself from the pit in the floor, her spells attacking him the entire time. Once more Yung Shi became a menace for us, turning his sights on Die and in an attempt to kill him, ripped open the very fabric of reality.

The chaos that ensued after that was enormous. I flung myself into the hole and blindly hopped through the realms it presented me with in an attempt to find him. When I did, it was only me, Un'gulyoth, and Die who remained on the same realm. For nearly two days we were stuck rotating among the realms, the tear in reality doing us no favors in that department.

When we finally found our way out, it was only to rejoin the rest of our party in the final moments of a horrible spell Asmodeus was trying to cast, his dagger poised above a helpless baby. The sacrifice was saved and three tall figures came to us from the forest as Asmodeus disappeared. The newcomers took the child to safety and told us of an undead army we were to fight to continue on our path.

It was in fighting that army that we found Asmodeus once more and this time found that he held the key to me finding the slaves we had once rescued. Relieved to have such an item in my possession, we naturally set upon attempting to find the way to them.

The path was no easy one, many an enemy standing in it. The feeling of a trap settled around me, but I pushed forward - something I never should have done, in retrospect - and found my way toward the end. Along the way, a spell went wayward - aimed at me, but missing - and killed Die on the spot... and a part of me with it. In that short time with the other we'd come to be fairly close. I only touch briefly on this pain because it was far overshadowed by the rest of the day's events and because, at the time, Un'gulyoth spoke of a right that had to be performed to bring Die back, something his ancestors had done. Of course, now I know that was an utter load of bullcrap. But perhaps naiveté is kinder to us than reality at times.

We fought our way to the final gates and back to the humans we'd come here to save. Most of the others had passed on, but my dearest tattooed Kaoru was still amongst those who were alive and there to greet us upon entering. It was upon that day that I felt the sting of betrayal, the heartache of a slashed reunion. I had come to save him, fought many and lost a companion... only for him to betray me at the lowest of levels. I can still feel his arm slipping around my waist and then the sting of the creature as he shoved it into my chest, allowing it to clamp around my heart.

For the second time in my life, I felt my powers sucked from me, and this time I had the sneering face of a man I'd only given my everything to protect time and again standing over me. Years later, I learned that he had been told by Levistus that we had betrayed him and left him there to die and that his poor, broken mind had taken it all as truth, without question. Not that it was any sort of balm at the time that I learned it, nor is it today.

With the help of Un'gulyoth we left the realm and got back to the Prime Material. No sooner than the creature was removed from me and dispatched of did I feel the worst feeling I have ever felt in my entire time upon this earth. It felt like my heart and soul were simultaneously wrenched from me, my powers dampening, and my mind contorting. Everything within me wrenched and I found myself on my knees, choking on the very air I needed to survive.

Alongside the horrible feelings of loss and terror came the knowledge that my God had just died. There was no questioning it, only the affirmation of this cold, hard fact upon my soul.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song[s]: "Just Kill Me" by Echostream

The next few days were nothing but pure agony for me. I lost myself in the feelings of utter pain and loss that completely clogged my system. It took a finite decision on my part before I found any path at all again; the decision to take up a new God and attempt to get us back on course. We still had the earth to save and hell if I was going to let my loss destroy the world. I prayed for guidance and the only one who answered was Pan. Taking it as a sign, I followed forward with it and we struck off to find the undead army once again.

It was with a heavy heart that I walked my path, plodding through life as it existed, striking down the enemies before me and placing myself near the edge of death on a daily basis, albeit unintentionally. My powers were so much less and it was like starting over after being one of the most powerful creatures to walk the plains.

We found a few new companions along the way, Derwin - a dwarf- and Sur - a druid. It was the day of the fight with Yung Shi and his wife that we got Die back. He found his way to us and we accepted him back into the fold as an old friend, never questioning a thing about how he'd come back to be. At the time, there was little point in asking such a thing, though I now fully know he's a Lich, an undead being. It makes little difference to me now, but then I would have killed him if I'd known. In that respect Un'gulyoth did the right thing in never telling me.

I gloss over the fight with Yung Shi simply due to the fact that when two people in the opposing side are utterly insane, it's difficult to be objective in what all happened... or even rational about it. Regardless, somewhere in the midst of it all, we fought yet another dragon and the remains of the undead army, effectively squashing that plague.

Un'gulyoth prayed for our next guidance, finding that his own father was being held hostage and that our next portion of the quest was to amass an army to fight the Emperor. Nearly a week into our finding troops - an easier feat than you'd think with the reputation some of us had built up - I was invited to a one-on-one session with Asmodeus. 

To this very day I'm not entirely certain what caused me to go ahead and accept the session, but it was in the cards for me, I suppose. The details of that meeting elude me, only the basic facts remaining so many years down the line. But he offered me something I would have been a fool to turn down... and I surely didn't let it slip past me. He offered me power, unbridled power that was worth more than any other I had ever contained. I wouldn't have to start over in his service and should he fall, my powers would still remain my own.

I saw a loophole and I took it for all it was worth. From within, I could still fight the battles as I saw fit and with a strength I'd never imagined possible. I was once again changed, this time to an inherently evil creature, though I was - and am - brimming with the unrestrained power of something vastly deeper than anything else within the realms. I dare not tell of what I have become, but dare to say with a proverbial flick of my wrist we won the battle against the Emperor, and freed Un'gulyoth's father. In the process though, we did lose Un'gulyoth into the depths of a Corpse Eater that Derwin and another addition to our party, Murphy managed to dispatch only moments too late. 

The things that happened next, I'd rather not dwell upon, but to say the least, the man that created R'yleh, Alhazred, hitchhiked a ride back inside my brain and shit got fucking strange from there. Un'gulyoth came back to life with Alhazred inside him and the rest of us got the hell out of dodge. 

The last bits I recall before I took my current position were destroying the portal to R'yleh to protect the better world within and having to dispatch the beings that shared my mental powers when Alhazred attempted to take them over. Unfortunately among their masses was Tsune and I can still remember the feeling as I loosed my arrow straight through his heart. 

That was the last of the truly interesting days in my life. Now I have taken up the throne of the fifth layer of Hell and not one person has ever challenged my position here. I rule with what amounts to an iron fist, but with a quiet bubble of forgiveness that earns me the quiet respect of others. By my side, has always been Die, the silent secondary ruler of the fifth. There's not a thing in the world that could come between us these days and particularly with the addition of a baby dragon to our home, things have certainly become interesting.

I have to admit there are times when I wish things were nearly as exciting as the old days. But then the dragon lights the tapestries on fire or attempts to eat the random passerby and we become aware of the fact that we already have our hands full attempting to tame a beast that was never meant to be tamed. 

Overall, I can't complain with where I've ended up. The world is a better place for it and Die is the best lover one could ever hope to have. Perhaps those do not sound like the words of an evil being and perhaps you think me strange. But, I beg you this question: what is life without having loved? 

**The End**


End file.
